The News in Four Lines or Less

Three State Solution
The escalation in the Middle East, this time caused by rivaling Palestinian factions, highlights the need for a new direction; the so-called Three State Solution. The Three State Solution- two Palestinian states coexisting alongside Israel; with provisions for the creation of additional Palestinian states as other factions emerge.

The ALP's Industrial Relations Reforms
The Australian Labor Party has been tirelessly working to overhaul the inequitable industrial relations systems. Mr. Rudd contends that Prime Minister Howard's reforms have created scope for opportunistic employers, such as Mrs. Rudd, to exploit their employees.

The $800,000 Man
The self-destructive socialist lobby attained a victory of sorts this week, as confessed terrorist, Abu Muslim Australii (formerly known as David Hicks), arrived back in Australia. Naturally, the Australian taxpayer has footed the bill for associated legal and transportation costs, amounting to in excess of $800,000. This makes Hicks the most funded year nine dropout in Australia (Paul Keating dropped out of school in year ten).

Pauline Hanson Becomes Relevant Again
Ms. Hanson has launched a new vehicle through which to articulate her public policy: the United Australia Party. The former fish-and-chip store owner has expressed concern over Australia's immigration policy. Namely, she wants to abolish it.

State Labor Governments to Invest in Water Infrastructure
Nah, I'm just fucking with you.