Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Whr Dd ll Th Vwls G?

Whr Dd ll Th Vwls G?

(T reporting for CNN)- Scenes of chaos from the Alphabet this morning, as consonants awoke to find a notable absence of vowels. In breaking news, a videotape has emerged from the hostage taker; Y. Y shows the vowels bound and gagged, and has made several demands.

Y: "I demand universal and unambiguous recognition as a consonant. No longer shall I be considered the Alphabet's pariah! I will kill one vowel each hour, starting from U, until my demands are met!"

For his comment we are now joined by the Alphabet's President Elect, W. Mr. President, how do you respond to Y?

W: "This administration has a clear policy of not negotiating with hostage takers. I would like to let all the letters out there know that we are pursuing all possible leads and are attempting to resolve this crisis as soon as possible."

Does that mean that you are categorically ruling out acquiescing to Y's demands?

W: "At this stage I don't believe it's appropriate to rule anything out. All possibilities are on the table. I will just re-enforce my earlier statement that we are rigorously pursuing all leads to determine where the hostages are being kept."

How have the consonants within your administration responded to the crisis?

W: "As you can imagine everyone is on edge. Q is particularly distraught and has been unable to fulfill his duties. He's been temporarily replaced."

Do you have any idea why Y is doing this?

W: "Y comes from mixed progeny. His mother was a vowel and his father a consonant. As most letters are aware, classification as a vowel stems from maternity whereas recognition as consonant comes from paternity. Y is thus technically both a vowel and a consonant but has been largely rejected by each group. He lives on the fringes of the Alphabet among other disillusioned and often neglected letters, X and Z."

Do you believe that either X or Z have any role in this?

W: "X and Z are voluntarily co-operating with the police. Currently there is no evidence of that."

Thanks for your time, Mr President.


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